Impossible Love
by Beth Northman Salvatore Eng
Summary: Stefan: No one accepts this love, neither myself, I know I should hate her, but I cannot, I love her; even though neither to myself it look good. Katherine: And I was too blind, I didn't realize he had already stopped loving Elena, could win him back, if it wasn't because of my vanity to want a body like mine. Read full summary inside
1. Introduction

**Title: **Impossible Love

**Stefan: **No one accepts this love, neither myself, I know I should hate her, but I cannot, I love her; even though neither to myself it look good. Elena is not the doppelgänger that is meant to me the one who belongs with me is Katherine. Because Elena is not Katherine, and Katherine is not Elena. Elena is tenderness, compassion, kindness and a powerful anchor to the ground. Katherine is fire, passion, evil, and yet she takes me to heaven.

**Katherine: **And I was too blind, I didn't realize he had already stopped loving Elena, could win him back, if it wasn't because of my vanity to want a body like mine.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the rights of the characters Damon, Elena, Katherine, and Stefan they belong to L. J. Smith y la CW.

**This fic got the Third Place in thematic challenge contest, "Dangerous Liaisons" from the forum "The Vampire Diaries: Dangerous Liaisons." The forum is in Spanish.**

I wonder for a while if attaching this to the edited version One-Shot, that got the third place in the thematic challenge, "Dangerous Liaisons" from the forum "The Vampire Diaries: Dangerous Liaisons." But I decided to post it as new fic instead, hope you enjoy.

Especially for pinkstars, zoe, vampyshreya, Sabrina Motorpsico, Angelito97-Delena and Cecil Pierce, whom with their reviews encourage me to post it.

**_Author's note: Lots of Flashbacks and memories, so they are in cursive_****_._**


	2. Stefan

**_"Go ahead Stefan. Torture me, keep me captive, drain me of my blood until my body turns to dust. It'll never change the truth. I never compelled your love. It was real and so was mine." Katherine to Stefan, when he ask her why she is back in Mystic Falls._**

**_"I love you, Stefan. We will be together again, I promise." Katherine to Stefan before leaving him dead in the road, back in 1864._**

**_"You never heard the real story of how I came to meet your brother. I want to think that this prophecy of the universe bringing the doppelgängers together is absurd, but the moment that I saw Stefan, I can't describe it... the out-of-the-way road, the downed tree, the broken down carriage... it just... sounded like fate to me." Katherine to Damon in her deathbed._**

**Stefan POV**

I'm remembering Katherine sadly because among us all agreed that I would take her out of Elena's body. We had agreed, I should do it because, I was the one that tried her to die in peace, so if the stabbing comes from me, she wouldn't see it coming. But it was so hard for me, because I love her; "again"?

_After Founder's Day Ball in 1864_

_"I know… we've only known each other for a short while. And I know I'm in competition for your affections but, uh, I've never met a woman quite like you. I…I look at you and I see an angel. It's to a touch of skin, my entire body ignites. I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love." I kissed her. "I am in love with you." I "surprised" her with my declaration._

_"There is just so much you don't know about me Stefan." She replied to me then._

_"More to learn and love." I told her back then._

I am idiot. Yes, I am a total fool. How I can love her, if I haven't forgive her? But I didn't hate her, not anymore. Despite everything she had done, she played with me and Damon. She used Damon to be close to me, and maybe to make me jealous. She betrayed her vampire friends when she kept from them the information about the anti‑vampire raid the founding fathers had planned, and Emily saying that she was a witch. She knew Damon found out about the tomb, and let him think she was trapped in there. She let me think, she die. She let me suffer her absence for 145 years! She turned Caroline into a vampire. She triggered Mason's first and then Tyler's werewolf curse. She hurt Elena. She tried to use Elena as a bargaining chip for get her freedom from Klaus. She used Jeremy, she killed Jeremy. She tried to kill Elena more than a few times. She took Elena's body. She broke Damon's heart. She it prompted me to kill Damon… yes, there is a long list full of every bad thing she had done.

And then, when she ask me to have a drink with her because she was having bad year, what the hell? She having a bad year, and what a about me? Losing my memories then getting them back and remembering about the summer drowning all over and over again, yes I was in a bed of roses. She told me that because of the doppelgänger prophecy I was going to end with someone that looks exactly like her, and that she knew that for now the universe had all its eggs on Elena's basket, she sounded jealous. And then she half-jokingly half seriously told me that aside from the joints pain, gum retraction, and having to go to the bathroom every five minutes, she was extremely well. Ignoring that I wanted to be alone, she told me that if I wanted to talk to anyone she was right there to listen to me, even if I didn't love her anymore. She between the lines, made me understand that no matter the way I felt about her that she just wanted to be there for me. And that she was completely and utterly drunk, so she wouldn't remember anything of what I said that would be good if I wanted to keep the secret.

I told her about me remembering me drowning over and over again all the summer, I told her that one minute I thought I was fine and the next minute I found out I wasn't. She told me that I was having post‑traumatic stress disorder, I look at her like she was crazy. She said that I had survived a terrible traumatic event and now I was back and I had nothing but spare time to think and re‑think about it. Just reliving the experience of being locked and drowning in the safe. Then she told me that what should she know about PTSD, she only had survived her judgmental father tore her daughter away from her arms only a few seconds after she was born, she having to run for 500 years after her family were slaughtered by a crazy psychotic vampire. Then I was there, having a crisis, she helped me, remembering I was on solid ground; I was in control. She give me something to hold on, not something good but, that was her, she wasn't good.

And yet when I found her suicide note I couldn't let her do it. Even if I told myself I did not care if she lived or died. Then saving her, catching her in my arms when she jump from the tower's clock. Therefore I advised her to keep a journal and write everything down to purge her feelings, her emotions. And when I catch her in my arms that electricity that I felt once was again there. That electric shock that I had felt 147 years ago, and had made me shiver the first time I kissed her in the library. So I hold her face in my hand and stated to her "_Hey. You're Katherine Pierce. Suck it up_". I care about her. I thought she is a survivor, she can survive anything even being a human dying of old age. Even so I had her put on suicide watch.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT HER THAT MAKES ME STILL CARE? Is just that she is dying and I don't want her to be dead. Yes, it panics me! I will miss her. She's dying, and it matters. It shouldn't matter, not after everything she'd done. It shouldn't scare me the way it did, but it did scare me. I shouldn't care, but I do. DO I LOVE HER?

No, it can't be true, I cannot love her again. And what if she is right? And I never really stopped loving her? I had kept her picture from 1864, even when I was with Elena, I never got rid of it, and one don't keep pictures from people one hate. And what about if I was just fooling us myself and Elena, saying that Elena was whom I loved? I mean, Elena is warm and kind and caring and selfless and it's real but… she is not Katherine. I don't really know for sure. If I had never stopped loving her, or if I started to develop these feelings again when I saw her so fragile, so delicate, so weak, so afraid of time and so needed of protection, so… HUMAN.

After all, if I think about it, she's the reason I got into Elena in the first place. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever met, until I met Elena. Both of them have this perfect olive skin. But Katherine have this laugh; it is ridiculous, her laugh make me laugh. And she was fun, she knew how to have a good time (she still knows, even as a fragile, dying, human being). Damon and I only started going after Elena because of her resemblance to Katherine. Katherine and Elena may look the same on the outside, but on the inside they are completely different. Sure, eventually we decided we preferred sweet Elena, but our passion for sexy Katherine started the whole thing. She is the root of my feelings. And know I am going back to that root. Katherine brings out my passion. Let's face it: Me and Elena are not the life of the party as a couple. We are too similar. Too "good" for each other. Katherine's crazy, volatile personality brings out my passionate side. And I think my sincere kindness tempers her dark nature. _CLASSIC OPPOSITES ATTRACT._ That's the kind of love I had chased for over 140 years. As she noted once, there's a thin line between love and hate and we dance on that line.

But then she was, she again, telling me that the journal thing sucked. That I was the perfect picture of mental health with my panic attacks, after being locked in a safe for three months in the bottom of a quarry. But believe me, I was trying to deal with it. Yes she said, she had heard me dealing with it, that I needed help, so she called for help, she has called for backup. And there was Caroline, my best friend. With the safe. They tried conventional text book methods, nothing seemed to work until… I hear Katherine telling Caroline that I was a hero, always being there for others not for myself, and there she was risking herself with me, inside the safe. It melted me but it frightened me a lot, I could hurt her. And if I hurt her, I won't ever forgive myself! She selflessly helping me, I couldn't believe it. She was better than the Katherine I remember from back 1864. The Flirty, sexy, naughty, impatient, controlling, impulsive and slightly neurotic, Katherine (the latter had been increased, that was funny), from 1864 was still there, but now she was kind, gentle, tender, fragile, delicate, and even loving. But still brave and strong enough to get inside a safe with a crazy vampire. There was this fire in her eyes, when she told me "_So, try not to be mad at me." _

_ I blinked up my eyes groggily, seeing the roof of the safe in front of me. I groaned and was slightly disorientated, turning my head in confusion. I had realized Katherine was beside me, and immediately started hitting the roof of the safe in panic._

_"I got in here when you were unconscious, and then Caroline locked us inside. It was the only way." She said. She was so calm._

_"Let me out of here! Caroline!" I shouted, with panic. I was thinking I could hurt or kill Katherine._

_"I know it's a little extreme, but the baby steps approach wasn't working." Caroline stated me from outside the safe._

_"See? That's why I need you not to get mad at me, because when you get mad, you get anxious and violent and you rip people's heads off, but I'm gonna help you fix that." She told me keeping herself calm. And why did she know that? I remembered my days as a ripper, I was mad, I was mad with her. Because she turn Damon too. Because she didn't asked if I wanted to be like her. Because she compelled me to drink her blood. Yes, she is right when I get mad I rip people's heads off!_

_I decided to ignore her, looking around in a frenzy and desperately hit the safe for it to open._

_At first, I, overcame by dread and the unbearable sensation of frigid water filling up in my lungs, pounded against the steel door, begging Caroline to let me out. "Caroline, get me out of here before I hurt her!" I shouted again, I was really worried about hurting her._

_"That's the whole point, Stefan. You need to get over your PSTD triggers, okay? Or else you will kill me." Katherine uttered._

_I breathed heavily "You're risking your life." Why was she doing this?_

_"I'm already dying, you idiot. You're the one who wants to keep me alive. It's my turn to help you now." She stated. She was right, I didn't want her to be dead._

_I was still breathing heavily "I can't be in here. Please."_

_She leans closer, smiling a little "You're Stefan Salvatore. Suck it up." My own words against me. Good move. She moves away and lays on her back next to me._

_I was in an anxious daze "No, no, no."_

_"How's it going in there?" I heard Caroline said overly cheerful._

_I was breathing heavily, I nearly couldn't talk "I feel... I feel... I feel like I'm dying."_

_Katherine ignored what I said, and started to talk. "So I've been using this time to think. I think there is actually a little bit of truth to this doppelgänger prophecy. I think you're still in love with Elena. I think you're miserable over the fact that she chose Damon over you (she flicks her fingers on my chest) and that you wanna get out of this one-horse town and go as far away from their happiness as possible, and yet somehow, you keep finding excuses to stay in Mystic Falls. I think I'm just that latest excuse." Katherine said casually. I however, was not in the mood for shit-chat and games… especially as I attempted to battle my demons._

_Without a warning, I reached out and wrapped my hand around Katherine's delicate neck and growled. "I'm going to kill you." I was mad how could she said that, while we were locked on the safe?_

_Katherine began struggling to breathe "Good. Yeah. Get it all out, Stefan. I think this is healthy..." she gasped for air as I tighten my grip on her throat "...although don't forget you loved me before you hated me." And I cared about her then. I didn't know for sure that I love her but…_

_"Any reason why you chose to have this conversation with me locked in a safe?" I asked inquisitively._

_"Yes! So that I can show you that the safe isn't the problem." She stated._

_"How could you say that to me?" I was intrigued. Maybe you're right the problem is that I had my heart and my head all messed up._

_"The problem is you're not facing you're real issues. The death you felt in the safe, the pain of dying over and over again. It's easier for you to focus on the physical pain than the emotional heartbreak of Elena leaving you. Your problem is you're not in touch with the reality of the moment, so let's bring you back to the present, shall we?" She moved her head to side when I started to let go slowly, leaving her neck bare to me. "In this moment, are you going to feed on me or are you gonna save my life?" how could she be doing this to me? She wanted me to kill her or what?_

_I was extremely close to her neck. I stared it the same way Tiny Tim would a succulent Thanksgiving turkey and my vamp veins started to flare. Mmm blood… so rich and warm and delicious. As I struggled to restrain himself from plunging my fangs into her tender epidermis, fighting the urge to feed on her. Katherine didn't move, but breathed heavily. I hesitated, the veins around my eyes disappearing as I tried to stop myself._

_"Fight it, Stefan, fight it!" she told me softly. "I'm here. I'm here." She grabbed my face with both her hands as she looked into my eyes. "You're going to be alright. I'm with you… I'm with you. We're together." Her sweet breath cooling my rage. She looked so sincere._

_But surprisingly that was all I needed to hear, that we were together. But why that was all I needed to hear? I began calming down now, but Katherine still had her hands on my face. She started to draw closer to me, getting dangerously close to kiss me. I doesn't pull away, I wanted to kiss her. But before anything could happen between us, Caroline unlocks the safe. What the hell! Katherine quickly pulled apart from me and looked away. Oh, that wasn't good timing!_

_"It was so quiet, I got worried." She declared._

_I stood up to get out of the safe and offered my hand to help pull Katherine out. She took it, but quickly withdrawn it the moment she stood up and pushed her hair back nervously. I walked over towards Caroline but I was still staring at Katherine with a confused expression on my face. I was finally looking back to a worried Caroline, I gave her a reassuring smile._

_Caroline smiled brightly. "See?" she hit my shoulder playfully, then hugged me. "You made it out alive!"_

_I didn't fully respond to my friend's hug and I was instead staring at Katherine behind her. We two stare at each other differently than we did before. I saw that bright in her eyes whenever she saw me. I am beginning to think she loved me for real. _

I was so confused. I didn't know for sure if I love her but surely I didn't hate her. How can I think she love me? But…

_I could hear Caroline alone, trying to lift the safe to take it out of the house. "A little help here! I mean, I know I'm a vampire, but this thing is really heavy! Stefan? Hello!"_

_I moved a broken chair out of the way near the fireplace. I picked up leg of the chair, then looked up to see Katherine watching me with crossed arms._

_"You know, for the record, I, uh, I only broke one of these." I told her holding up the leg of the chair. I was very nervous, I didn't know exactly what had happened in the safe earlier. _

_"It was an ugly chair." She starts to walk up to me. "You're better off without it." I nodded, then Katherine bended over to pick up another leg of the broken chair. She looked so sexy._

_"So I guess you were right all along. It was easier for me to focus on my physical pain than the break-up. I need to move on." I declared it was high time I got my groove back and moved on from Elena…with her doppelgänger. Yes, I wasn't really thinking to move forward but instead of that I was thinking on moving backwards… To my first love, yes because she was the girl for whom I felt true love for the first time._

_She talked playfully. "So you admit it. I do know what I'm doing." She smirked at me as she walked closer. I was dying to kiss her. But my confused mind stopped me._

_"To be honest with you, I never know exactly what you're doing, Katherine." I stated, she, her attitudes always confused me. With her I never knew anything for sure. She was so volatile._

_Katherine smiled, amused. "Well, Stefan, sometimes... I don't either." She said handing me another broken leg from the chair. _

_I looked at her for a moment, then took the leg and thrown it across the room with the rest of the broken chair. There was silence, and Katherine was still standing in front of me. She hesitated, but moved even closer to me to the point we were only inches apart. _

_"Like right now..." She started to stare at my lips for a moment while I looked a little confused at her statement, then starts to caress my chest. "...for example."_

_I didn't pull away, instead I began looking at her hand on my chest and then back at her. We stared at each other as Katherine slowly moves closer to me, stopping to make sure I wouldn't push her away. How could I push her away? I was just petrified by the way I felt. When I started to drift closer to her, Katherine proceeded and we kissed each other softly. After a moment, she pulled away and stared at me questioningly. Suddenly, I was all up on her, devouring her plump lips with eager kisses. She gladly reciprocated. For a split second, we pulled away from each other… breathless and vulnerable, considering the consequences of entertaining our indulgences… and lunged at each other's lips again, this time with more fervor and intensity, causing the moment to intensify into a passionate make‑out session. _

_Katherine faintly in a moan called my name "Stefan..."_

_So I carried her. Her legs wrapped around my waist. Still kissing her with passion. I carried her to my room, then we started taking our clothes out, still kissing, with all the passion I had hold in, since I saved her form suicide. I helped her with her blouse, while she unbuttoned my shirt. I helped her with her jeans, and got rid of mines. We were still kissing, this was passionate but we weren't in a hurry so we were going slowly. We were only on our underwear, this wasn't our first time so we were aware of how we like to do it and we liked slow. We go to bed and unclasp her bra. I began to go down her neck, kissing it while my hands grabbed her boobs and went down all the way to her hips, I could feel her shudder as a result of my kisses and strokes, then I began to kiss her boobs and I stopped to kiss, lick and give tiny little bites in her nipples. She was moaning, of pleasure. She stroked my hair. Then she held my face with her hands to pull it to her face and kiss me again. I slipped her panties down. She pointed out my boxer as if to say I should take it off. I did it. This time she was acting different from the way I remembered, but I liked her new attitude, like she was really shy. We were still kissing, she stroked my dick in her hands and then she began kissing my chest, all the way down to my dick, and began to kiss, lick and suck it, I was feeling all the pleasure she was giving to me, with her tongue. Then she laid down on the bed. This was weird she never liked me to be on top. "I want you to be on top, I want to be all yours, only yours, and I love you" she whispered. After 147 years she told me she wanted to be only mine, all for myself. I was so happy. I couldn't hide my smile. I made love to her. Kissing and feeling her skin, her lips, her wet pussy, there in my bed, was so wonderful, I circled her waist with my arms to draw his hips toward me and gently entered her, kissing her lips, stroking her gorgeous body, feeling her hands going through my body, until we reached the climax, the ecstasy… and we make love not just once but almost all night, me on top, she on top, and other positions… until we fell asleep._

_And in the morning I'd felt her touch, just before she'd jerked away from me, as she regretted us making love. And I'd been ready to repeat last night's antics with a smile. She waked up, she jumped off the bed and covered herself with the blanket. She bumps with the door on her way out. I smirked and laid back down in bed, because even if I don't understood why she was running away I know she didn't regret it by the way she told me to sleep again. I was tired, I wondered how she was feeling, she was human. That was a wonderful evening and night. And I spent all that day longing for her, remembering the night before, how it felt to kiss her again, how it felt to make love to her again. I just wanted us to be together. Even if I was helping Damon to find Elena._

_The next afternoon she was in my bedroom. I wonder why she liked it so much. She had her own. I opened the door. She was looking at herself in the mirror. She saw that she's now getting wrinkles around her eyes and she pulls back the skin around them. Even she was in my room, yet I'd still asked if I could come in, just in case she didn't want me to see her scrutinizing herself in the mirror._

_"Can I come in, or are you gonna freak out and run away again?" I asked with a smirk. _

_"I'm getting wrinkles." She sounded worried. She didn't have to point them out I'd noticed._

_"Heh. Katherine Pierce's chickens come home to roost in the form of wrinkles. It's kind of brilliant." I told her trying to crack a joke and almost trying to giggle. Even though I didn't think it was funny._

_She turned around to face me, a little bit mad. "What's the opposite of funny? Oh, right. Not funny." She spat._

_"Hmm. So what are you, uh, doing in my room?" I asked her._

_"I want to talk about last night." She said looking at me._

_"Ok." I wouldn't tell her that last night was wonderful. A little pride wasn't wrong. No, after all she had done._

_"So talk." She spat. She insisted I talk first. I laughed internally, she wanted to speak, but she didn't dare go first in case she said something that is not mutual. She was so wrong…_

_I smiled, remembering last night "Well, um, it was a long day, we had a moment, and we got swept up in it." Believe me it hurt me more than she thought, because to me it'd been more than just a moment, so much more than that. It'd been an epiphany. But what else can I say? That I didn't know what else to say. That I wasn't sure about what happened. That I wasn't sure enough about loving her again._

_"Did you memorize that from a textbook or something?" she complaint. Making a sarcastic quip. Even I had to admit that it sounded forced...rehearsed. What did she wanted to hear?_

_"Katherine, what do you expect? You want me just forget everything that you've put me through for the last 147 years?" I wanted more. To be sure this Katherine loved me for real._

_"I'm dying, Stefan." She expressed sadly. Pointing out that she's dying to me._

_I was about to repeat her that she's Katherine Pierce, and she should suck it up. But instead of that I settled for simply stating. "I know you are, and I'm sure that you will figure a way out of it." I wanted her to do everything she could to stay alive._

_Her breath hitches a little and her voice goes a little quieter. "No. I'm in this for real, this time." She got close to me and removes her cap, revealing a lot of gray hair mixed in with her beautiful brown locks. "Look at me." I did, I still see an angel, even after everything that has happened. Even if she has wrinkles, crow's feet around her eyes, her hair is greying and dropping out in clumps, I'd found some in my bed peppered with strands of white hair yesterday morning once she'd gone, teeth falling out, joints hurting, gum retraction, eyes on the blink, her hearing getting worse and worse. "I'm dying." Once again she points out she's dying, I wished she'd stop doing that, I didn't want her to be dead. The idea of losing her, again, terrified me. "What does someone have to go through to get a little redemption around here?" She jokes about redemption. I knew she wanted it. But I couldn't forgive her, and it's that you can love someone, accepting all about that person._

_I told her that "147 years is a long time to forgive in one night." And it has been a long time, a long, long time for me. The pain of thinking she was dead. The anger about finding out her had turned Damon too. The uncontrolled fury of finding out, she had compelled me. The endless pain of missing her. And the addiction I felt for human blood. And fear and loneliness about being without her. The self-loathing and despair about having to kill to survive. We need more time before I can fully forgive her. But I didn't hate her, not any more. _

_She put her hands around my neck. "One night... An eternity... You'd never look at me the way you look at Elena, would you?" She stated sadly. All I could feel was Katherine's warm hands on my neck, tenderly touching me and the look on her face that said "I think I know the answer", but she was wrong, I mean I would never look at her the same way, because I didn't love Elena any more. And because of that the way I looked at Elena had changed. But not because I didn't love her (Katherine)... But I didn't respond and just looked down. I didn't know what to say. Katherine nodded her head, looking hurt. _

_"Good night, Stefan." She whispered. She was sad, even she was trying to smile. She started to walk away from me and leave the room, but I just couldn't let her go, I couldn't. Something inside me, made me reach out and I gently grabbed her arm. She was still facing the door, I was facing the opposite direction, we were standing side by side._

_"Hey." I called her, my voice was a barely audible whisper. My eyes stung, and I slid my hand down her arm and stopped when I meet her delicate hand grasping it in my own interlacing our fingers. And feeling my heart beat a little faster when she tangled her fingers with mines and squeezed a little my hand back. "I'm sorry that you're dying." I was telling the truth, I was being honest._

_She hesitated replying me. But after a few moments she said trying to keep the tears in her eyes from falling "Trust me. I am, too." Our hands lingered in the current position for a few more seconds before she let go of my hand and walked away._

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to hold her, wrap my arms around her, hold her tight and stop her from going, I didn't want her to leave me. And if she asked why, I'd tell her that there were no rules. I wanted to tell her that it was all going to be alright, that I would fix it, but a huge part of me still didn't want to acknowledge why I wanted to do that. A huge part of me didn't want to admit that she could still make him feel like that.

I tried a lot not to feel it. I tried it so hard. Not to feel this love, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling it. She was familiar, she was integrated into my life and she always would be, and I'd gotten to the stage in my anger?, I wasn't sure about being angry with her anymore, where I could recall happier memories of her with a smile: The day we'd met, escorting her to parties and balls, especially the founders ball, me chasing her, her chasing me through the yard. Our illicit midnight meetings, where I'd steal a kiss, or two, once even three, and when we make love. The good times had mostly been before the compulsion, of course.

The morning she'd first compelled me after she'd bit me. I knew I'd never have gone to my father to tell, even if she hadn't compelled me. But I think she was afraid of me going to tell, because I was so afraid of her looking like a demon. I'd have gone to Damon, to warn him... and from there I doesn't know. I might have learned not to be afraid from her like my brother did, but the worst thing was that I didn't know, because she took that from me. That was the biggest complaint I held against her that she didn't let me choose. The second complaint was she being with Damon too.

Remembering our night together. I think I encourage her to take Elena's body. I made her think I wanted her to be here with me for long time, and is not that I didn't want it, but I wanted her soul not her body. I was so confused. A part of me wanted to scream that I love her, while another part was still telling me that I should hate her. I didn't know what I really wanted. I didn't know for sure that what I really desired was her being with me. But I repeat if I wanted her, I wanted her soul not her body. The body was the least thing I care about. And she is in the hospital now. The doctors think she had a heart attack.

"_We both know my mother. She will fight this." Nadia was a little bit upset, after all she is her mother. And I think they were finally bonding._

_"She's dying." And it terrified me, I was going to lose her, again. "Every single organ in her body is failing. Vampire blood can't save her." She couldn't be turn again, even she wanted, and even I wanted… "I compelled the doctors to let me take her home, so she's more comfortable, but… she's dying." My voice had troubles making its way out. "They don't think she'll survive the rest of the day." I didn't want her to be death._

And when all of my friends were doing shots about Katherine dying. I was the only one that was sad about it, even if I shouldn't be sad about it. But I was sad, hell! I always suspected that when Katherine was dying there'd be a party, with Damon and Elena and, well, everyone celebrating the fact she was soon to be no longer walking the earth, and I'd be expected to join a toast no doubt. But instead of being downstairs, with all of them celebrating, first I was upstairs with her trying to comfort her, because I didn't want to celebrate she was dying. I was nearly sure that I love her for god's sake! Talking about I was sad of her dying. And…

_"They're talking about me, aren't they?" she had troubles to say._

_"They're reminiscing." I told her trying to hold the truth._

_"It's fine. I'm sure I deserve everything they're saying." She stated._

_I smiled at her. _

_"Does my hand look wrinkled to you?" she said trying to change the subject, and as she wasn't worried about dying._

_"It looks fine." I told her. Because I could not see a physical defect in her, she was so perfect to me._

_"If I start to sag, anywhere, you take a knife and you jam it into my carotid artery immediately. Okay?" she joked about her being pretty until the death._

_"Okay." I replied rolling my eyes white._

_"What?" she spat really mad._

_"You know, even on your deathbed, you're vain." I said with a smirk._

_"Hey. If a girl's gotta go, it may as well be glamorous, right? That's definitely an age spot." She replied. Watching her hand._

_"It's not an age spot, Katherine." I stopped her by grabbing and holding her hand._

_"You're being too nice to me. Why?" I just wanted to say because "I love you" but I couldn't. ´Cause it was hard for me to admit it, due all the evil she has done. I sighed at my inner turmoil, my feelings battling with her actions, with her attitudes. My head versus my heart. _

_"You're dying. I think I can muster up a bit of compassion." I expressed to her. And I left her sleeping. I love you, I thought. I went downstairs. _

_"Rumor has it, she burnt down the entire city of Atlanta once." Damon said seriously._

_"That might win." Jeremy replied, smiling._

_"Alright. Knock it off or take it somewhere else! You guys are being insensitive." I scold them._

_"Come on, Stefan. Don't let the sight of a frail, human Elena-look-alike cloud your memories of the manipulative psycho that she is." Damon stated._

_"In 1864, Katherine moved into my home, she compelled me to love her, seduced my brother, fed us full of vampire blood and then started a war with the town that got us killed." That was what I had forced myself to think for 147 years in order to forget her, just to get me to hate her, but the truth is, I don't remember her compelling me to love her, I just remember she compelled me not to be afraid of her, and to drink her blood. Yes, now I can admit it she never compelled me to love her, it was… it is real._

_"Exactly. Bottoms up." Damon said cheerfully._

_"But, centuries before that, she was just an innocent girl that was shunned by her family. So for 500 years, she lied and manipulated and did whatever she had to do to survive. And she did. She's a survivor, right? So that's the girl I will drink to today. Cheers." I add as finishing my previous thought. _

_"Please. One night of hot sex with her and you're brainwashed?" Damon joked. Maybe he can say I was brainwashed, but I love her. And we don't chose who to love, we just fall in love._

_"What?!" Elena and Bonnie expressed surprised._

_"Oh my... I forgot to tell you. You were kidnapped and hostaged and..." Caroline was so worried. But in her inner soul he understands me. _

_"Bottle's empty... I should…" I articulate._

_"That's why you never send a busboy to do a man's job." Damon stood up and saw Nadia standing behind me. "Nadia... the devil's spawn. Caroline, did you remember to tell Elena that?" Damon asked Caroline, and she smacked her forehead. _

_"I think my mind just exploded. Okay. Katherine's upstairs." She didn't understood anything. It was overwhelming to her. Too much information for a day._

_Nadia had found a way to save her mother and she needed some help. Damon didn't wanted any of us to help, he even threatened me. But she had also found a way to make us "volunteer" to help her. She had buried Matt, alive, without his Gilbert Ring. I would had help even she hadn't coerced us to help. Nadia took Elena and me with her nearly abandoned house. She told us she needed a "Traveler". Katherine was born into a "Traveler" bloodline, so my beloved one is a witch, not only a doppelgänger. She could make herself a "passenger" in someone else's body, if a "Traveler" taught her how to do it. That was it, this is the way she will survive. I was happy, I couldn't stop thinking about us being together._

_"Like your boyfriend, Gregor, hopped a ride inside Matt's body, until Katherine killed him, of course. Your mother killed your boyfriend! Why are we saving her again?" Elena said almost hissing._

_"Gregor was going to kill her and she was defending herself." I stated. I think I was beginning to sound like Elena making excuses to the one we love._

_"Oh please. Don't defend her. Especially now..." She was kind of mad._

_"...Now that I slept with her? I'm sure you have plenty to say about that." I became defensive, after all she kissed my brother days after telling me that she chose me, is not that it bother me, not anymore, but she had to understand that I was not going to be so in love with her forever._

_"We're here." Nadia said._

_"So we're just supposed to help you let Katherine take over someone's life?" Elena complaint._

_"Not just anyone's life... mine. I'm going to make her "passenger" in my body." Nadia state._

_Nadia wanted Katherine to take her life. She was planning to make her mother "passenger" in her body. I was surprised but… she was not that bad… mmm, Stop! What the hell are you thinking Stefan? I said to myself. Then she told us "Travelers" don't have much, they're always on the move, but on the plus side, sometimes, their services can be bought. And she found one who named the right price. And the right price for the deal was us. They needed a bucket of doppelgängers blood. Elena and me were still bleeding from the wounds on our wrists. The blood has gathered in a little bucket that is now half-full._

_"I guess it's a good thing I'm not claustrophobic anymore." I said, resigned._

_"That's what Katherine helped you with... Silas aftermath." She stated._

_"She did." I replied. And she also made me found out about other things._

_"Can I just hate her anyway?" she asked me. _

_"You can." She eventually will forgive her she is Elena, hate is not in her priorities._

_"Thank you." She smiled at me._

_"But I don't. I know I should, but for some reason, I keep rooting for her to find peace. And Katherine's not the only one, you know. Damon keeps pushing you away because he hates himself... who he is, what he has done. Just remember that you never gave up on me. So don't give up on him. Don't let him give up on you either, okay?" That's the big difference between Damon and Katherine, my brother has regrets, she doesn't. But I love her and I wouldn't give up on her, after all now I knew she hasn't gave up on me. Maybe I could make her to begin regretting some bad things she had done._

_They got the blood they needed, and let us go, so we went back to the mansion. Damon, who had his neck snapped, comes to and picks himself up out of the floor. _

_"Ouch" Damon was rubbing his neck. _

_I heard Damon's crowing, and entered the room. "What the hell happened to you?"_

_"In a shocking twist, Katherine's daughter is a psychopath. Whew. She's all yours. I've had fun messing with her mind all day." He told me._

_"Damon…" I was going to scold him. I was going to defend MY KATHERINE again._

_"I know, Stefan. I know. It's been a rough couple of days... I needed an outlet, OK?" he was making excuses, while leaving me alone with MY KATHERINE._

_I watched her laying on the bed "Hey." _

_Katherine was groggily, due to the painkillers. "These drugs are hardcore."_

_"Close your eyes. I came to say 'bye.'" I told her._

_"I want to see you." She replied._

_"You will." I told her, and brought my hand up to Katherine's face and she transported me to a memory of her coming upon the bodies of her family after Klaus had them slaughtered. _

_I was seeing Katherine weep over a body "So this is the memory you came back to? A little dark, no?" Why she wanted to torture herself? Did she believe she didn't deserve peace?_

_"Damon already had his fun with this one… This was the worst day of my life. He said it was my fault; that I deserve everything bad that's ever happened to me. He's right... He was right, Stefan. I don't deserve to be loved." She told me, trying to block me out. I urge her to let me continue. But I loved her, even she thought, she didn't deserve to be loved._

_"Open your mind to me." I encourage her. We are transported back into her memory. "Look at your father..." As Katherine looked over at the wall, I make her father's body disappear. _

_"He's gone... What are you doing?" she asked me._

_"You deserve to feel peace." I told her. And as she looks around the room, her mother's body, and the blood on the duvet, disappear._

_"Mother?" she wondered._

_"You were a 17 year old girl, Katherine. None of this is your fault." I told her. Because she didn't deserve that, she was just a girl. She needed protection, she need protection. She needed to be loved. She need to be loved. And I do, I love her._

_Suddenly, I made her hear the tiny whimper of a crying baby... her daughter. In a tiny bassinet. As she approached her, the room turned to light. I planted a kiss on Katherine's forehead. "Goodbye, Katherine." I wanted to kiss her lips but I think she deserved just a tender kiss not a passionate one._

_Elena entered the room as I sat back on the bed "Is she..." _

_I interrupted her. "Not yet. These drugs... She won't wake up again." I was sad._

_I went out looking for my brother, I had something to say. Damon and I were outside chatting on the roof of the house._

_"You know, I was in a dark place, Damon." I told him. I was losing my mind and she helped me back._

_"And Katherine pulled you out of it... irony abounds." He replied._

_"You know, whatever's going on with you and Elena… you need to fix it. She's the best thing that ever happened to you." I told him I didn't expect him to understand. But I wanted him to fight for the one he loves, before it was too late. _

_"You think I don't know that? I can't live without her, but when you think about it, I'm no better than Katherine. Elena will be happier without me." He spat. But he isn't like Katherine an even her deserved to be loved._

_I gave him an 'are-you-serious' look. _

_"What? I'm being selfless. Don't give me that look." He stated._

_"I'm not giving you a look." I replied. _

_"Katherine-freaking-Pierce has a selfless moment, but I'm not allowed to have one? Fine… fine... When I get Elena back, and the whole universe FRREEAKKS out because the fated doppelgängers are torn apart, just remember you... you're the one who pep-talked me out of doing the right thing for the universe and all mankind." He said like joking. I thought he was talking about, helping with my PTSD. Or what? That means is too late for me she is really dying?_

_"I will keep that in mind." I replied sadly. But not because I loved Elena, she wasn't doppelgänger that belonged with me, mine was Katherine. And he had just told me she was really dying. Katherine was dying, and that hurt a lot._

_"You do that." He finished._

I didn't understand it then, but now I do, she decided not to take her daughter_'_s body if she didn't wanted to take Nadia's body, she should had taken another one, one random one, not Elena's, or other of our friends.

And she as Elena asked me how I was. How was I dealing with the whole Katherine dying thing? What could I say? I am feeling awful, I miss her, but she is dead, and there is nothing I can do about it, at this time. So I told her I was okay. She told me that I didn't have to hide my feelings.

_ "No honestly... I'm okay. You know, we had a thing, it ended and she died and I'm fine." I replied. Trying myself to buy it all._

_"You knew her for like... 150 years. You're not even a little heartbroken? I mean, even I feel a little bit bad. Maybe we should give her like, a funeral, or something?" she told me._

Hell yes! I was heartbroken! I wanted her to be here with me, I desired her to kiss me, I wanted to hold her hand, I desired to hold her, I wanted to feel her skin, I wanted to smell her hair, I wanted her gaze on me, I desired to hug her, to tell her I LOVE HER and no one else. As I told her once _"I will love you forever."_ That declaration was a long time ago. But it made a mark. A TRUE LOVE, SOUL MATE, ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME MARK. After all this time, after all she had done, I still have feelings for her and she was still into me. _"Don't fight it, Stefan. You loved me once. You can love me again. I love you, Stefan._" I should have listened her. Elena was human back then. We were both vampires. I should have just stick with the immortal love I already had. I remember the morning I'd woken up with her, when I was dating Elena, it seemed like ages ago now. She'd implanted dreams of our good memories, me and her dancing, and nightmares of Damon and Elena dating (who would said Katherine was prophet, mmm?) and even after that, for a few brief seconds after waking I knew it was her (her ginger and lemon scent betrayed her) and I kept a hold, hoping I could pretend that we were back in my bedroom at the mansion, and she'd only have to leave to get her corset laced up and her curled hair done, then we'd spend the day playing croquet with my father. Except I couldn't pretend I loved her, because she was, well, Katherine and all the love I used to have for her was overshadowed by some sort of hate. But who cared if I kind a hate her back then? We had hundreds of years to make it up to each other. But now is too late. I will have to "kill" her to expel her from Elena's body.

She as Elena, flirted with me in the Whitmore bitter ball. But she was Elena and I don't wanted Elena flirting with me. I was kind of uncomfortable with Elena flirting with me. What kind of person she is? The one I love is dead and she was flirting with me! I thought. Mmm, I laugh in my inner self, nobody knows I love Katherine.

And the night in the hotel Katherine kissed me and for a moment I forgot she was Elena not Katherine, I kissed her back. But as soon I realized she wasn't Katherine, I apart her from me because she was Elena, Elena kisses me again, I reacted… that was wrong I pushed her away from me, Elena didn't love me and I didn't love her. Even though now that I think about it she was being so coquette, she was using Katherine's Seduction Techniques. She was Elena, she just broke up with Damon, and Elena loved Damon. She looked at me confused. I thought Elena wanted me back but I couldn't be with her again since I love someone who even though looks exactly like her, is not her, and I maybe is watching over me from the other side.

She was so stupid. We could have been together if she had never took Elena's body. Why did she do that? Now we can't be together. Because by the time we figure it out she was here, and Elena wasn't, all of them didn't want her to be here and all of us wanted Elena back. And I don't wanted her in Elena's body because I will always knew that it was Elena's body and I don't love Elena, anymore. I LOVE KATERINA PETROVA aka KATHERINE PIERCE. So I stabbed her. I expelled her from Elena's body. And that kiss she gave me, it hurt so much. I called her name "_Katherine_" like saying "I love you Katherine." And there was the electricity again, my body igniting with her touch. Every atom in my body telling me, she is the one I love. But now it is too late.

_"Stefan. You know, I've always wondered how it would be like to be loved by you. You've gotta admit, for that one fleeting moment...your feelings were real. It's truly has been the role of a lifetime. Stefan, I love you. And I've always loved you_." O.K. I admit it my feelings for you are real! "_Then I guess this is how...our love story ends_." Yes, it ends because you are leaving me again, I LOVE YOU.

And all that I could think about was in her being in the other side watching over me. I hope someday I can bring her back, as Bonnie did with Jeremy, and Tessa with Bonnie. However at the moment I have nothing else than to be jealous of Damon and Elena, they have the eternity to love, argue, make up, argue again and finally love each other again.

But what about me? I finally will keep that promise I made long time ago **_I WILL LOVE YOU, KATHERINE FOREVER_. EVEN IF IS NOT RIGHT TO LOVE YOU. **Because like Lexi said to Elena** WHEN IT'S REAL, YOU CAN'T WALK AWAY.**


	3. Katherine

**Katherine POV**

I love him. I love him so much. I love him since the very first moment I saw him back in 1864. I know I'm contradicting myself because once I said that the true love is not real unless it's returned. So I had to win his love, I had to make him return my love. I desired him so much.

_"How much further until we reach this Lockwood plantation?" I asked my handmaiden Emily Bennet. We were traveling in the carriage._

_"Won't be long now… We've just entered the town of Mystic Falls." She replied me._

_"Good." Our buggy comes across some townspeople that were at work. I observed them keenly. Our buggy comes to a stop "What is it now?" I was really anxious to the travel to end._

_"It looks like a gentleman is having problems with his carriage." Emily answered me._

_"At this rate, we won't arrive until sundown. What does it matter if...?" My eyes fall to him, Stefan Salvatore. "Who is that? He's so handsome. What do you say, Emily? Think that gentleman's family take in a poor orphan girl from Atlanta?" it was love at first sight. I was in love, even if he didn't meet me. I was in love against all my designs on true love. I was in love even he didn't love me back._

But I won his love, he used to love me. And when he kissed me that electricity running through our bodies. The same electricity I felt in our nights together. He is the only one whose kisses make me tremble like this. And I have quite of a few man and vampires. I love him, since he was human.

_"I had a lovely time, Stefan" I really liked dancing with him. I enjoyed his company so much. He is a good dancer._

_"How long do you plan on staying in Mystic Falls?" he asked me. _

_"As long as I'm wanted. Your father has been very kind to give me a shelter." I answered him. _

_"How could he not? Losing your family in the fire, gratefully you made it out of Atlanta." He replied. He liked me to be there._

_"So, I gather I'm wanted?" I said playfully. Mmm, he wanted me to stay for a long time, but he didn't know what I was…_

_"Uh, very much so. I know… we've only known each other for a short while and I know I'm in competition for your affections but I've never met a woman quite like you. I look at you and I see an angel. I touch your skin and my entire body ignites. I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love." He told me he was falling for me, I was so happy but I was so afraid of Klaus finding out I was in love. And he kissed me, I wished I could jump to him and make love to him right there, but I had to seem emotionless even to him. "I am in love with you." Oh, god he loves me, more reasons to hide my true feelings._

_"There's so much you don't know about me, Stefan." I told him, first I had to be sure he loved me, so I could told him I was a vampire. _

_"More to learn and love." He replied me, so he really meant it._

_"I must say good night." Following time standards. Even though I wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him, told him what I was, and spend the night with him._

_"I have upset you?" he was disappointed, so for real he loved me._

_"No, you haven't upset me, you've just surprised me. Until tomorrow." Again following time standards. And Stefan was the shy brother, so I had to try to be like him…_

_I went in my bedroom. Damon was there. He went toward me and kissed me. I didn't want him kissing me, especially not after Stefan's confession._

_"What are you doing here?" I didn't want him to be there, I just wanted Stefan._

_"I told you I would come." Damon replied me._

_"Well, I'm tired, you should go." I didn't wanted to have sex with anybody but Stefan._

_"Did my little brother's confession overwhelm you?" No it didn't, I had been expecting it for long time._

_"You shouldn't eavesdrop." I spat._

_"Is my love not enough?" no it wasn't, I didn't want Damon's love back then. And surely I don't want Damon's love now._

_"I told you, I'm tired." I didn't want Damon to be there with me. I didn't want to have sex, with anybody but Stefan, after his confession, but he was such a gentleman, he was so shy, then he was going slowly, even though we have made love once before. So I compelled Damon to leave "I wish to be alone tonight. Please, leave."_

_"Good night Katherine." He left, I touched my lips, remembering Stefan's kiss._

He loved me, so why he doesn't accept it. I had never compelled his love. His love was pure. His love was real. His love was uncompelled. His love was true. And so was… is mine. I know I am evil, but everyone deserves to be loved. He was, no! He is warm (even as a vampire), and kind and caring and selfless, he is such a gentleman.

No! I'm not evil, I just switch my humanity off. I was in the run, I had to do anything to survive. And I managed not feeling, very well for centuries. He was the first person in centuries that made me feel. The minute I saw him, I fell in love with him. He triggered my emotions back.

But I was selfish, and I was spoiled, and I needed to feel loved, needed to feel desired, needed to feel what I had not felt in centuries "feel that someone cared". And Damon showed me from the beginning "that", and I let him, I say what woman does not like be the focus of attention of a man. And is better if they are two. And Stefan believes in the freedom of women, if it comes to making decisions. He think that to let your partner decide is unequivocal sign that you love and respect her. He never imposed his will not even to protect me, from the gossips. Not even if he wanted all of me for himself only.

_ "Well, this works out wonderfully for me." Damon was back from the civil war. I told them with a smile. I had to hide my true feelings, and if both of them were there, it was easier._

_"How's that, Miss Katherine?" Damon asked._

_"Now I'll have both of you here to keep me entertained. First and foremost, I'll need someone to escort me to the founder's ball." I said, it has to seem I didn't love anyone of them. And why not? I liked the attention both on them gave me._

_"With pleasure. I would be honored." Both of them answered at the same time._

_"The smart and kind Salvatore brothers both coming to my rescue. How will I ever choose?"_

I always tried to protect Stefan, this way no one ever knew who was the one I loved.

_And our last day:_

_I was sitting at my vanity, examining a necklace. Stefan watched me from the bed._

_"What is that?" he asked._

_"A gift." I answered him._

_"From Damon?" he asked, sounding jealous._

_"From Emily, actually. And when will you stop worrying about Damon?" I answered him, I never lied to him. I walked back over to Stefan. _

_"I want you all to myself." He told me. And I wanted just to be his but it couldn't be. If I chose to show my true feelings, he would be in danger._

_"Just as he wants me, but I'm the one who gets to make all the rules." I told him, hiding my true feelings._

_"And why is that?" he was really jealous. But he always left me make the last call._

_"Because I'm spoiled." I teased._

_"Yes, you are." He sounded resigned._

_I was inches closer to Stefan and pushed him back down on the bed. "And selfish." I added._

_I straddled Stefan "And because I can do this." I ran my hand up Stefan's chest and he moans. I kissed his stomach. "And this." I kissed up Stefan's chest. Stefan shuts his eyes and sighs pleasantly. I kissed Stefan's neck. "And this." My eyes become red and I extended my fangs, biting into Stefan's shoulder. Stefan groans loudly as I held him down. Suddenly, I started gasping for air and pulled away from Stefan. _

_Stefan sat up and looked at me, worried. "What? What?" he asked he was shocked._

_"Vervain." I couldn't talk, only whisper._

_"What?" he asked again really worried._

_I fell off the bed and onto the floor. I gasped and choked. Stefan jumps off the bed and kneels down next to me, grabbing my face in his hands. "Katherine! Katherine!" HE WAS SO WORRIED, I could see the love in his eyes. I could see the worry in his scared eyes._

_Giuseppe burst through the door. Stefan looked shocked "Go get the sheriff. Tell him we have a vampire."_

_"What? No!" He was afraid of his father._

_"Do as I say, son! Nothing that you feel for her is real. She's a vampire, Stefan! A monster! I fed you vervain hoping that it would expose her." No I'm not a monster, and I would never hurt him! I was thinking._

_"How did you know?" He was so worried about me. But bigger than his worry, it was the fear that he had of his father._

_"Your sympathy for their plight. I didn't raise my sons to be so weak." He thrown Stefan a shirt. "The sheriff, now. Go, quickly! Now, son!"_

_Stefan hesitated and looked down at me. But his father scared him more than any vampire could. Stefan stood up and run out of the room, leaving his father alone with the weakened me._

_I cared for both of them, I wanted a family. But I had always loved Stefan. But, if I had found a werewolf so had Klaus… and if Klaus knew I was here, he would come to kill me and them, so I faked my death. It was the best thing I could do for all of us. If he knew that I cared about the two of them, he would have killed them. Not to mention if he found out I was in love with Stefan, well that's why I allowed everyone in town noticed I dated both brothers, as if not caring of anyone of them, for their safety, the safety of the two of them, I didn't wanted them to be dead, truly dead. Because I cared about both of them, even if I only loved Stefan. They tried to rescue me, I didn't wanted to be rescued. But they did it. And they died for love, they loved me. Even though I only wanted Stefan's love._

_"George?" I said when he freed me from the church._

_"Your carriage is just waiting." He replied me. _

_"All done, George. Thank you." I told him. I needed to disappear, if not Stefan would be in danger._

_"Now it's your part of the deal." He told me. _

_"If anyone learns of my escape, I will find you and I will kill you. Don't think that I won't." I gave him the moonstone._

_"We should take each other secrets to the grave. Now, you must hurry." He leaves. I hesitate, then I ran toward Stefan's body. I touched his face and looks at him. "I love you, Stefan. We will be together again, I promise." I kissed him._

And I promised him I will come back to him. I looked for him. I always followed his tracks. I watch over him. And I almost go to him in the 20s. But he was so close with Klaus, and he seemed to be in love with Rebekah. I just stayed watching him. I was jealous but I couldn't do a thing. Just stayed there watching him to be safe. Klaus and Rebekah were in the run too, so it would be over soon. In the 80's I saw him in a Bon Jovi's Concert, he was with Lexi in the first line. But I couldn't be with him, Klaus was close to find me I had to run again. All the time was like that, whenever I saw Stefan, I heard Klaus was close. So I had to run, and keep running. I had to stay alive. Until I heard about the doppelgänger. I came back to Mystic Falls. At first I was so jealous. He was in love with my doppelgänger. My ONE TRUE LOVE was in love with "my shadow self", a "human me". I was so jealous.

But when I got to know Elena I found that we couldn't be more different from each other. She was my total opposite. She was so much like him. That couldn't be love, it was lack of passion. She was so kind, so tender, so loving, just like him. They are so alike. They were so "plain" together. Even though sometimes she can be mean. She has the Petrova Fire! She gave me the cure! And now she is with Damon, she is good for Damon. And I realized Damon is just like me, that's why I cared for him, he was like a brother to me. Damon was like me, he never wanted to wait, but with her he had waited for two years. He is mature now, 147 years ago he wouldn't waited for her. He had learn with the years, sometimes he had to wait, so he waited for her. Maybe I should learn from him. I should wait for my chance with Stefan, but I can't wait, I am running out of time. I am human now. And two weeks ago I found out I am dying of old age.

I had to be near him. But first I HAD TO GET DRUNK, TRY TO FORGET I AM DYING, so I got to the Grill. In the Grill I pursued my objective until I get there. I was completely and utterly drunk. And then I saw him, coming in, alone. He take a sit, I approached him.

_"Hey stranger!" I was carrying over a bottle of alcohol "Lookie what I stole."_

_"Knock yourself out." He is pissed, but why? I didn't like to see him like this. He got up to leave._

_"Hey! Come on! Please. Just have one drink with me? Please. Stefan, I've had a bad..." I hesitated "...year, really. And it would be nice to have a friendly face."_

_He sighed, but agreed to have a drink with me. He sat back down._

_"One pity drink." Mmm, pity, I didn't want his pity, but it was the only way to spend some time with him. _So I swallow my pride, and suck it up.

_"See? The universe at work. I don't know if you know this, but our doppelgänger stars are fated to be together. So, like it or not, you're going to end up with someone who looks like me. Although, the universe seems to have all of its eggs in the Elena basket; but at this point, I don't really blame it." Yes, I know I am a bad person, I played with him and Damon, but I cared about them, and I truly love Stefan. I took another shot. And I was drunk and jealous._

_"What is wrong with you?" he noticed I was drunk._

_"Other than the joint pain, the receding gums, and the fact that I have to pee every five minutes, I'm dandy. But hey! Enough about me. Why are you all by your lonesome?" I was trying to cheer him up._

_"So I could avoid talking to anyone." He spat dryly. _

_I giggled "Well, if you did want to talk to someone, I'm right here. And, uhh, let's be honest, I'm wasted, so I'm not going to remember." I took another shot. If he want someone to keep his secret I am right here to listen. Just to listen, I was completely and utterly drunk._

_"Look, I thought that killing Silas would allow me to move on with my life, but I was wrong. I spent my summer locked in a safe. One minute, I think I'm fine, and the next, I feel like I'm dying all over again." he told me._

_"Oooohh. Classic PTSD. You survived a pretty traumatic event, and now you're back, and you've got nothing but free time to just relive that terrible experience in the safe. Well, allow me to give your life purpose. Help me with one little favor?" I needed a favor, not for me for Matt, yes I had begun to care, about a person who was not me._

_"Should've known this was gonna come around to you needing something from me." He was right, but this time I would be a win-win situation. And he was looking me if I was crazy. He'd help Matt, I'd help him._

_"I'm just trying to help. What would I know about post-traumatic stress? I only had my newborn ripped from my arms by my judgmental father. Then, I had to run 500 years after my entire family had been slaughtered by a psychopath, but hey! That didn't have any lingering side‑effects." And I chose the wrong way to deal with it, because no one told me how: shut down my emotions, murdered, lied, betrayed, manipulated, fought, and other things I am not proud of. I got up to leave. Stefan grabs my arm as I rushed past him._

_"Okay. Okay. Alright. What do you need?" he ask at the end._

_Nadia entered to the Grill. "I thought you never wanted to see me again? Why did you call me?"_

_"Stefan, I'd like you to meet Nadia Petrova, my daughter." I introduced her to him_

The help I was asking wasn't for me, it was for Matt. We were going to help him get rid of the passenger he had in his head. I need him because of his vampire strength, to help me if Gregor tried to escape or Nadia tried to stop me from releasing Matt's body of him. Everything went well. Matt was freed of Gregor. This is the "new me" caring about someone else but me. After that I lost him in the crowd. I wanted to help him, with his PTSD. And when I found him, he was having a panic attack. He was walking outside. I needed to help him. I followed him, I knew what was going on, and he needed my help. I wanted him to know, I was there for him. He needed to relax. He needed something to focus on. He needed to know he was in control.

_"You have two options, Stefan. You either deal with this now, or you run, but either way, it's gonna catch up to you." He was choking me to death. "I can't breathe, Stefan." He is feeling some sort of pain. Oh, I figure it out he is feeling like he is drowning._

_"Stefan, tell me the name of the first person that you kill... Ahh... killed. Mmm. Name him." I had to give something real to hold on. The first came to my mind was that he is a vampire. He needed to list the people he killed._

_"Gius... Giuseppe Salvatore."_

_"And the next?" He started to relax his grip a little bit. "Focus on the name."_

_"Thomas Fell." He was starting to regain control._

_"See? You're in control, on solid ground. You're not drowning. You're not dying. Name them!" I told him, he needed to stay focus on the names._

_"Honoria Fell, Marianna Lockwood, Christopher Gilbert," He loose me "Margaret Forbes."_

_"See? I told you I knew what I was doing." He is back to reality._

_"Thank you." And he left. _

_I went back into the Grill and left a Suicide note_

**_Dear Nadia, _**

**_Sorry I had to kill your boyfriend, but it was the motherly thing to do. Suicide, however, not very motherly of me. I ran from my enemies for 500 years, and then one day, I stopped. Now a new enemy wants me dead. Sure I could run from the "Travelers", but there's still one enemy that I can never escape: time. So call it pride or vanity, but after the life that I've led, I refuse to drift off into the sunset. _**

**_Goodbye, Nadia._**

And I thought he wouldn't love me again, so I decided to succumb to my newest enemy, my imminent death. The one enemy I could never run far away: time, old age. I decided to attempt against my own life. I decided to jump from the tower's clock. Because without his love was pointless to live. Yes, I hadn't realized I had a beautiful daughter, who cared about me.

_I hesitated one or two times, but then I turned my back to the edge and let myself free-fall on my back. I fell from the tall tower and then... I opened my eyes to find out I'm still alive, in Stefan's arms. And when he caught me in his arms, just in time, that electricity that I felt once was again there. That electric shock that I had felt 147 years ago, and had made me shiver the first time he confessed he loved me and then kissed me. _

**_"_**_What are you doing?" he asked. I got off Stefan's arms and got back on my feet._

_"__I told you: You either face your problems, or you run. I chose option 3." I replied, I was feeling I hadn't anything else to live._

_"__And what problem has you jumping off of a clock tower?" he ask me very concern._

_"I'm dying, Stefan. I'm dying of old age. I don't know. The cure did something to speed up the entire mortifying process." I don't know for sure if it was the cure or after Silas drained me, and I came back._

_He holds my cheek with his hand. "Hey. You're Katherine Pierce. Suck it up." _

_No cheesy bonding lines afterward, even though I wanted cheesy. I wasn't sentimental, but what girl that is in love doesn't want cheesy. But the way he said it, with that cheeky grin and piercing eyes, made me feel like a silly school girl. Oh my god! He still cares. I'm am dying and it matters to him. He saved me from killing myself, and he suggested I should kept a journal or write everything I feel down, to purge my feelings and emotions, to cleanse and relief my soul. He even had me put on suicide watch! As he was the perfect picture of mental health with his panic attacks! But the most important thing, the only thing that matters to me was that he still cared. _

_I tore the page out from the diary, crushed it and thrown it at the back. Stefan is pacing in front of me._

_"What kind of sentimental idiot writes down everything they feel? Is this what the prophecy meant when it said that all the doppelgängers were drawn together like magnets? Because if it is, I want my money back." I love him sure, but I am not sentimental. I am more passionate. I'm not in the whole feeling, emotional thing._

_"I'm just trying to make sure you don't slit your wrists." Said whit a serious face._

_"Well, this whole neurotic granny vibe, doesn't exactly make me want to live. Do you really have nothing better to do than stand there all day and watch me write in cursive?" I said sarcastically._

_"I'm trying to make sure you don't kill yourself." But why did he want to keep me alive? If he hates me, or not?_

_"And how are you going to do that? You know, since you're still having your little panic attacks?" I told him, I was worried. _

_"I'm fine." He told me. _

_"Yeah. Of course. You are the picture of mental health, Stefan, after being locked for three months in a safe, at the bottom of a quarry." I was really worried, he might turn his emotions off._

_"I am dealing with it." I just hope he still clung to his humanity._

_"I know. I mean, I heard you "dealing" with it earlier today in the library. It sounded like you freaked out and broke a chair, maybe even two. How are you supposed to help me stay alive if you can't even help yourself?" I wanted to stay alive for him. To help him go through this. Even he didn't love me. Even he hated me. _

_"So does this mean you want to live?" yes, not that I have so much hope._

_"No. It means I can't work with people who can't give me 100%." I was being sarcastic. Somebody knocked at the door. "And so, I may have called for backup." _

_Stefan opens the door to find Caroline standing outside, smiling, with the safe. "What are you doing here?" Stefan asked, she is my backup. _

_Stefan needed help, so I thought who better than Caroline, to help him. And BTW I could find out if she had romantic intentions with Stefan, she didn't. She brought the safe. We locked Stefan inside it. He was freaking out. It wasn't working the way we wanted. So Caroline looked in the book. I was watching her with crossed arms, a curious but mischievous expression on her face. And I popped the question, she stated me they were friends._

_"Your loss. He's great in bed." I answered her quickly._

_"Oh, God. I am so not listening to this." She looked back at her textbook, then suddenly pointed to something on the page. "Here! Okay, Stefan. Prolonged Exposure Therapy. "In vivo exposure gradually introduces elements of prior trauma, e.g. physical objects, comma, certain aspects of duress, comma…"_

_I was annoyed from all the bla, bla, bla, so I walked ahead from Caroline and closed the book. "Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it." I muffled. "Stop talking. The words that are coming out of your mouth are giving me a headache."_

_We heard Stefan from inside the safe, he was having another panic attack. "Caroline! Caroline!"_

_"I'm just trying to help Stefan understand what I'm doing." Caroline muffled._

_"Acting like a school teacher isn't going to make him feel any better." I said sarcastically._

_We heard Stefan hit the safe trying to escape "I can't breathe. I can't…" He was breathing heavily and gasping for air._

_"You are right about one thing. He needs to get over the root of his problem. 'Cause right now the score if safe - one, Stefan - zero. So how do you help the guy that always comes to the rescue?" I told Caroline, I was trying to analyze how to help him. "Stefan's the hero. That's who he is at his core. He can't always come through for himself, but he can always come through for everyone else." I was thoughtful, then smiled at Caroline. "I've got an idea." I stated. _

So we forged the world's most dangerous plan: trap a panicked Ripper in the same vault from the quarry in which he endured repeated drownings. Oh, and toss me in, the pretty young thing who turned him into a bloodsucking creature in the first place. Baby steps were clearly not working so me and Vampire Barbie had to take action! Caroline looked at me intrigued. "_Get me into the safe_" I commanded Caroline.

_"What are you crazy?" Caroline said really intrigued. "He is dangerous, he can hurt you"_

_"Get me in! He won't hurt me. I'll be ok. Is the only way. He will do anything to keep me safe" I stated. I trusted him. He would get over it and kept me safe._

_We opened the safe, he was unconscious, I jumped into the safe. I waited him to regain consciousness._

_"So, try not to be mad at me." I muffled to him. Stefan blinked up his eyes groggily, seeing the roof of the safe in front of him. He groaned and is slightly disorientated, turning his head in confusion. "I got in here when you were unconscious, and then Caroline locked us inside. It was the only way." _

_At first, Stefan begged Caroline to let him out hitting the safe door. He noticed me, and immediately let the panic overcome him. "Let me out of here! Caroline!" He screamed._

_"I know it's a little extreme, but the baby steps approach wasn't working." Caroline stated me from outside the safe._

_I tried to soothe him with my usual blatant observations. "See? That's why I need you not to get mad at me, because when you get mad, you get anxious and violent and you rip people's heads off, but I'm gonna help you fix that." I said trying not to be afraid, trying to hold it on for him. _

_Stefan ignores me, looking around in a frenzy and desperately hits the safe for it to open. "Caroline, get me out of here before I hurt her!"_

_"That's the whole point, Stefan." Be calm, Katherine you know what you are doing, I told to myself. "You need to get over your PSTD triggers, okay? Or else you will kill me."_

_Stefan breathed heavily. "You're risking your life." _

_ "I'm already dying, you idiot." I pointed out. "You're the one who wants to keep me alive. It's my turn to help you now." That's why I volunteered to climb into the safe with him and help him face his nightmares. Because whatever he thought about me, I love him and if he doesn't love me back then I am o.k. if I die in the process of helping him to overcome this._

_Stefan was still breathing heavily "I can't be in here. Please."_

_I leaned closer to him, smiling a little "You're Stefan Salvatore. Suck it up." His own words against him. I moved away and laid on my back next to him. Petrova specialty, all you said can be used against you. _

_"No, no, no." Stefan said in an anxious daze._

_We heard Caroline overly cheerful from outside the safe "How's it going in there?"_

_"I feel… I feel… I feel like I'm dying." His breathing was heavy, as if he had trouble breathing._

_I tried to ignore that "So I've been using this time to think." I began to tell him. "I think there is actually a little bit of truth to this doppelgänger prophecy. I think you're still in love with Elena." And that hurts, a lot. "I think you're miserable over the fact that she chose Damon over you" I flicked my fingers on his chest, I needed to feel his heart beating "and that you wanna get out of this one-horse town and as far away from their happiness as possible, and yet somehow, you keep finding excuses to stay in Mystic Falls. I think I'm just that latest excuse." Oh, Stefan why are you trying to keep me alive?_

_Without a warning, he reached out and wrapped his muscular hand around my neck, choking me and growled that he was going to choke the living hell out of me. "I'm going to kill you." He told me. He promised me premature? Death. _

_I was indifferent to threats at this stage of my life, I was already dying, so while I was struggling to breathe, I manage to say. "Good. Yeah. Get it all out, Stefan. I think this is healthy…" I gasped for air as Stefan tightened his grip on my throat. "...although don't forget you loved me before you hated me." But it was o.k. if he wanted to kill me, I think I deserve it._

_"Any reason why you chose to have this conversation with me locked in a safe?" he asked intrigued._

_"Yes, so that I can show you that the safe isn't the problem!" I replied to him. The safe wasn't the problem the problem was the breakout._

_"How could you say that to me?" he asked sadly._

_"The problem is you're not facing you're real issues." The breakout, Elena leaving him to run into his brother's arms. "The death you felt in the safe, the pain of dying over and over again? It's easier for you to focus on the physical pain than the emotional heartbreak of Elena leaving you. Your problem is you're not in touch with the reality of the moment, so let's bring you back to the present, shall we?" I moved my head to side when Stefan started to let go slowly, leaving my neck bare to him. I was all about desperate measures, exposed my neck and posed the toughest question ever: To eat or not to eat? "In this moment, are you going to feed on me or are you gonna save my life?" Because if he really still cared he won't bite me. Because he is the hero._

_Stefan was extremely close to my neck, his fangs coming out as he fought the urge to feed on me. I didn't move, but breathed heavily. Stefan hesitated, the veins around his eyes disappearing as he tries to stop himself. _

_"Fight it, Stefan, fight it!" I told him softly, urging him to work past the triggers (the pain of dying and the emotional heartbreak of Elena choosing Damon over him) and to concentrate on my voice_. _ "I'm here. I'm here." I grabbed his face with my both hands as I looked into his eyes. And suddenly I said "You're going to be alright. I'm with you… I'm with you. We're together." I whispered, my breath cooling his rage._

_Stefan was calming down now, but I still had my hands on his face. I started to draw closer to him, getting dangerously close to kiss him. Hell, I wanted to kiss him! And surprisingly he didn't pull away. The two of us locked eyes and silence filled the space. Our hot bodies were pressed against each other, our hormones were racing at the speed of light, and the chemistry between us was almost unbearable. The air was thick with desire; every fiber of us being pulsating with urgency. We slowly leaned towards each other but before anything could happen between us… DAMN IT! Caroline, our new Jeremy Gilbert in the sense that she's constantly interrupting potential lovemaking sessions, opened the vault because she was worried that there was some murdering happening. I shot her a Kendrick Lamar-inspired look as though to say, 'Bitch you just killed my vibe,' Stefan stood up to get out of the safe and offered his hand to help pull me out. I took it, but quickly withdrawn it the moment I stood up and pushed my hair back nervously. Stefan walks over towards Caroline but is still staring at me with a confused expression on his face. Finally looking back to a worried Caroline, he gives her reassuring smile, and Caroline promptly hugged Stefan, welcoming him back to reality._

_She smiled brightly at him. "See?" She hit Stefan's shoulder playfully "You made it out alive!" Stefan doesn't fully respond to his friend's hug and was instead staring at me behind her. We two stare at each other differently than we did before, there was something in his look I didn't fully understand back then._

_I could hear Caroline asking for help from the other room, but I was looking for Stefan, mmm not that I could help. With my heart beating extra fast, I had decided to check up on Stefan… you know, to see how he was faring post our (Caroline's and mine) amateur therapy hour. Finally I found him by in the library by the fire place. Moving a broken chair out of the way near the fireplace. He picked up leg of the chair, then looked up to see me watching him with crossed arms, I was trying to hold my heart inside my chest._

_"You know, for the record, I, uh, I only broke one of these." He held up the leg of the chair. He sounded nervous._

_"It was an ugly chair." I started to walk up to him "You're better off without it." He nodded, then I bent over to pick up another leg of the broken chair. I could feel his sea-green peepers staring at me._

_He spoke resignedly. "So I guess you were right all along." Yes, I was right. "It was easier for me to focus on my physical pain than the break-up. I need to move on." Yes, he needed to get over the breakout. He need to overcome, leaving behind his feelings for Elena_

_"So you admit it. I do know what I'm doing." I said playfully, I smirked at him as I walked closer. I wanted so bad to kiss him. To be hold in his arms. To feel his hands touching my skin. _

_"To be honest with you, I never know exactly what you're doing, Katherine." He looked at me._

_I smiled at him, amused. "Well, Stefan, sometimes... I don't either." Handing him the broken leg. Stefan looked at me for a moment, then took the leg and throws it across the room with the rest of the broken chair. There was silence, and I was still standing in front of him. I hesitated, but moved even closer to Stefan to the point we're only inches apart. "Like right now..." I started to stare at his lips for a moment while he looked a little confused at my statement. Me… unable to resist his chiseled abs any more, touched his chest and I could feel he shivered as a thousand sensations erupted within him when I started to caress his chest. I wanted to touch him so badly. "...for example."_

_Stefan didn't pull away, instead looking at my hand on his chest and then back at me. We stared at each other, as I slowly moved closer to him, stopping to make sure Stefan wouldn't push me away. When he started to drift closer to me, I proceeded and the two of us kiss each other softly, just a tender kiss. After a moment, I pulled away and stares at him questioningly. Immediately, Stefan pulled me back and kisses me more firmly, suddenly, he was all up on me, devouring my lips with eager kisses. I gladly reciprocated. There was no hidden agenda or trickery up my sleeve. For a split second, we pulled away from each other… breathless and vulnerable (hell, I needed to breathe!), I was considering the consequences of being drawn by the moment and get carried away by my feelings considering that whatever he was feeling, I surely would come out hurt. I had to analyze the consequences of succumbing to the craving I felt for him, (we've all been there with chocolate, haven't we?), I finally let myself go and lunged at each other's lips again, this time with more fervor and intensity than anyone could possibly hope for, causing the moment to intensify into a passionate make-up session. This was simply the universe's way of saying, "You're two attractive doppelgängers. Have at it." We more than made up for our lost opportunity earlier that evening._

_I faintly in a moan called his name "Stefan…" Oh, he was just..._

_He hold me up. My legs wrapped around his waist. Still kissing him with passion. He carried me to his room, then we started taking our clothes out, still kissing, he was so passionate. He helped me to take off my blouse, while I unbuttoned his shirt. He helped me with my jeans, and got rid of his. We were still kissing, this was passionate but we weren't in a hurry so we were going slowly. We were only on our underwear, this wasn't our first time so we were aware of how we like to make love and we liked slow. We go to bed and he unclasp my bra. He began to go down my neck, kissing, his hands running through my body, making me shiver, then he began to kiss my boobs, stopping to kiss, lick and give tiny little bites in my nipples. I was moaning, of pleasure. I stroked his hair. Then I held his face with my hands to pull him to kiss him again. He slipped my panties down. I pointed out his boxer, he should take it off. I did it. I don't fully understand why but I was feeling so afraid what if he didn't like it? It was our first time making love, he as a vampire, me as a human. We were still kissing, I began to stroke his hard fully erected dick in my hands and then I went down, and began to kiss, lick and suck it, he moaned. Then I laid down on the bed. I wanted him to be on top. "I want you to be on top, I want to be all yours only yours, and I love you" I whispered. Yes, I wanted to be his, all his. I just wanted to be with him. I just wanted him to love me. After 147 years of missing being in his arms. After 147 years of missing his kisses. After 147 years of missing his warm sexy body. After 147 years of missing his strokes. After 147 longing for him. After 147 years wishing to make love with him again. Because, yeah! There is the fact that he's an attractive young stallion with bedroom skills, and I missed that. But he is not all that, he is kind, and tender, and loving, and he cares about others, and yes! I am in love with the full package! Oh, god I was so wet, and I just don't wanted my lips apart from his. My hands running through his strong and well-shaped body, oh god! He is so hot. He held my waist with his hands,_ _attracting my hips towards him he penetrated me softly, our hips moving in perfect dance, feeling him inside me, was wonderful, he keep kissing me, stroking me, until we reach the climax together… and we make love over and over again almost all night, he on top, me on top, and other positions… until we were exhausted and fell asleep._

And in the morning, I opened my eyes and remembered the night before with him, it was wonderful. He had rock my world so hard. I smiled. I looked to my side and he is indeed next to me, so it confirms it, I wasn't dreaming, ´cause it felt like a dream, a wonderful and marvelous dream. I was going to hug him but I found a lock of gray hair on the bed. I picked it up and looked at it in was bad, really bad.

_"Oh, my God!" what the hell, I wouldn't have only a few gray hairs, I was going to be almost bald. _

I had to run, I didn't want him to see me like that. Oh, my god, he was awake. He called me. But I wanted to escape so I jumped off the bed and covered all myself with the blanket, yes even the head. I didn't want him to see, all my gray hairs. He wanted to know what I was doing, ignoring him I began picking my clothes from the floor. He kept asking what was going on, I told him that he hadn't to worry about, that he just needed to go back to bed. In my attempt to leave the room not letting Stefan saw me, I bumped into the door on my way out. A bit later, I was walking down the hall, all dressed, while I was tucking my hair into a baseball hat. As I was heading outside, Damon walked in, all disheveled looking and dried blood down his neck. He was looking for Elena. He wouldn't find her there. And my jealousy came out.

_Damon yelled "Stef, you awake?"_

_"You know, he hasn't seen her either. I know because we were together all night." What he was implying, that she could be spending the night with my Stefan?_

_He looked at me disgusted "Look. I've had a really crappy couple days, ok? If you're implying what I think you're implying…" _

_"Why? What were you thinking? That our hot, naked bodies collided in one unforgettable night of passion?" I was mad, I was jealous, him implying Elena was free to spend the night with MY STEFAN. If he didn't mind them being together, I did. HE IS MINE. _

_"I'm gonna barf." He spat._

_"Great. Then my work here is done. Dido" I exited the mansion and closed the door behind me._

I needed to look for hair dye, and help to keep in shape. I hired Matt to be my personal trainer. We went to the woods, to train. He was having fun at my expenses, and I found I was doing deaf_._ Oh my god! I was doing deaf. My entire body was falling apart. I couldn't breathe. And I couldn't be turn again. My body rejected vampire blood. That sucked! And then my vision, I was doing blind? Nadia was there and she was pissed.

_"Dear Nadia, sorry I had to kill your boyfriend, but it was the motherly thing to do. Suicide, however, not very motherly of me." She spat._

_"Great. So, um, Stefan obviously gave you my suicide note. What's your point?" I was so upset. I really didn't need my really annoying daughter, lecturing me._

_Nadia stared at me and then slapped me with all her strength. It really hurt. _

_"Damn!" Matt said surprised._

_I looked back at Nadia. "That's for trying to kill yourself without saying goodbye." She said to me._

_We went back to the Salvatore's mansion. Nadia was standing by a big window when I walked back in from the kitchen. She turned around to face me._

_"I get it now. If I was living here, I'd want to kill myself, too." She said sarcastically._

_"It was a moment of weakness. I'm over it." I replied._

_"In a moment of weakness, you eat chocolate or kiss the wrong boy. You don't jump off a clock tower." She scolded me._

_I showed her the blender pitcher with the green awful smoothie I began to drink because I read it was full of antioxidants and a glass I poured of the mix "Do you see this? This is raw kale. In what universe would I put this inside of my body unless I actually wanted to live another day?" I drunk from my glass, aww it really tasted awful._

_"Ok. Then, what changed your mind?" She asked me._

_"It's not so much a matter of what as it is who." I told her. I couldn't take out of my mind my night with Stefan. "Can I ask you something, absentee mother to mildly abusive daughter?" I offered her a glass of my awful smoothie, I wasn't going to drink it alone._

_"I'm listening." She replied to me. Trying to be soft with me._

_"Do you think after all the horrible things that I've done it would be possible to be forgiven?" I asked, ahhh, if only Stefan could forgive me. If only he could love me again._

_"Of course I do." She replied. "That's actually why I'm here. I may have an idea that will keep you alive longer."_

_"I'm listening." How could I live longer? How could I be here more time and win Stefan's love back?_

She told me, that if my father was a "Traveler", so that meant I am a "Traveler". So I just needed someone to teach me how to do the "Passenger Spell". I told her that my father banned us from doing "Traveler" magic. And when I became a vampire I didn't think about it again. And I didn't wanted my spirit inside some nobody. Because Stefan actually liked this body_._ My body, Elena's body were the same… Nadia was confused, she thought, when I ask about forgiveness I was talking about her, yes I was talking about her, but not ONLY her.

_"What are you talking about?" she looked confused and sad._

_"Stefan and I may have rekindled an old flame last night." I told her._

_"I see. So when you asked me about forgiveness, you were asking about him, not me?" No, I was talking about you but it wasn't only about you. _

_"Look. Maybe I don't want to die a sad, lonely 538-year-old. If I have to bow out, knowing that Stefan still cares might not be the worst way to go." I just needed a bit more time to be with Stefan and to bond with my daughter._

_She was slightly upset "No. You had it right the first time. Go kill yourself, see if anyone misses you!" She spat. She got me partially wrong. I cared about her too._

_The next afternoon. I was scrutinizing myself in the mirror. I was noticing all my newly got wrinkles around my eyes and I pulled back the skin around them. Stefan opened the door._

_"Can I come in, or are you gonna freak out and run away again?" Even I was in his room he ask my permission to come inside. Always a gentleman._

_"I'm getting wrinkles." I didn't like it. I was so upset._

_"Heh. Katherine Pierce's chickens come home to roost in the form of wrinkles. It's kind of brilliant." What he is making jokes about it? He is being so insensitive. _

_I turned around to face him. "What's the opposite of funny? Oh, right. Not funny." I was upset, nearly pissed out._

_"Hmm. So what are you, uh, doing in my room?" what I was doing in his room? I wanted answers._

_"I want to talk about last night." Did he still care?_

_"Ok." What he wasn't talking!_

_"So talk!" I spat. I wasn't going to talk first. What I would say, that I loved him, I did that last night. I just wanted to know that my last night confessions didn't landed in an empty heart. I wanted to hear the same. I wanted to hear he love me. Everything I had to say I said it the night before, when I told him I love him, and I wanted to be his, only his. _

_Stefan smiled at me. "Well, um, it was a long day, we had a moment, and we got swept up in it." What! No! No! We hadn't a moment, his actions feel real. Why he is getting to belittle this of ALL things! He and I both know that what transpired in his bed was far from fucking, was far from a moment of weakness. How DARE he elude to it being such? Why is he in denial? Why is he being such a dick? _

_"Did you memorize that from a textbook or something?" I complaint. Why did he say that? He really didn't hear everything I said the night before. I love him so much. I knew it. I would came out of this hurt. And it hurt so badly._

_"Katherine, what do you expect?" What I expect? I expect him to ask me to keep alive. I expect him to tell me I won't die alone. That he will be with me. "You want me just forget everything that you've put me through for the last 147 years?" No, but I wanted he to give me a chance to earn forgiveness and to be worthy of being with him._

_"I'm dying, Stefan." How many times I had to say it? I was dying and this time was for real._

_"I know you are, and I'm sure that you will figure a way out of it." He wanted me to figure the way to stay alive? So he still cares._

_"No. I'm in this for real, this time." I almost whispered. I got close to him and removed my hat, revealing a lot of gray hair mixed in with my brown locks. "Look at me. I'm dying. What does someone have to go through to get a little redemption around here?" yes, as my last wish, I wanted forgiveness._

_"147 years is a long time to forgive in one night." O.k. don't forgive me, just love me!_

_I put my hand around his neck. "One night... An eternity... You'd never look at me the way you look at Elena, would you?" I think I knew the answer, he loved Elena and he always will. Stefan didn't respond and just looked down. I nodded my head, I was right, but also I was hurt. I just wanted to be loved. _

_"Good night, Stefan." I started to walk away to leave the room, but Stefan grabbed me by my arm. I was still facing the door, he was facing the opposite direction, standing side by side._

_"Hey," He called me, almost a whisper. He slid his hand down until he meets my hand and tangled our fingers. My face flickered with brief happiness as his strong hand grazed mine. I squeezed his and a little "I'm sorry that you're dying." _

_My eyes burning, my tears urging to fall down. I didn't understand him. Did he love me, even he didn't forgive me? "Trust me. I am, too." I let go of Stefan's hand and walked away._

So I made a decision, I had to stay alive. I called Nadia, I told her what she wanted to hear that I will be with her, that we will travel, we will go wherever she wants. And I got my deal, sorry daughter, just a little motherly manipulation, but I want to stay alive, I WANT STEFAN AND I WANT YOU, I JUST WANTED IT ALL. Nadia would find a "Traveler" who would teach me to do the spell. I'm a survivor. Staying alive is my specialty. I told her that Stefan belief that a part of me that can still be redeemed. And then I had a heart attack. I wake up in the hospital. The doctors told me I was dying, like I didn't know that. They told me that they thought that I wouldn't last more than one or two days. What? No, no, I needed more time! And Stefan compelled the doctors to let him take me home, so I'd more comfortable, but... I was dying!

_Stefan and I were upstairs, talking, he was saying that he was sad I was dying. He was being so kind. _

_"They're talking about me, aren't they?" I whispered. My voice had troubles to make its way out._

_"They're reminiscing." He is lying, but he is kinda cute._

_"It's fine. I'm sure I deserve everything they're saying." That's the truth I knew I am not all good. Stefan smiled at me. _

_"Does my hand look wrinkled to you?" I looked old. _

_"It looks fine." Yeah, except it isn't._

_"If I start to sag, anywhere, you take a knife and you jam it into my carotid artery immediately. Okay?" I didn't want him to remember me old, wrinkled and ugly._

_"Okay." He thought I was kidding. Rolled his eyes._

_"What?" I had had enough. _

_"You know, even on your deathbed, you're vain." He didn't understand. I just wanted to be beautiful for him. _

_"Hey. If a girl's gotta go, it may as well be glamorous, right?" I just didn't wanted to be remembered old and ugly. He is handsome and young. And I am getting old and ugly. "That's definitely an age spot."_

_"It's not an age spot, Katherine." He stopped me by grabbing a hold of my hand. _

_"You're being too nice to me. Why?" Yeah, why? Again I needed answers. I wanted to know if he love me?_

_"You're dying. I think I can muster up a bit of compassion." Why? He kept saying that? Only pity, compassion. I fell asleep._

I was so frail laying on the bed asleep, recalling the moment I discovered my parents were slaughtered, back then in Bulgaria. I remembered me entering the village in the middle of the night on horseback. After getting down from the horse, I remembered seeing several bodies scattered around the grounds, thus causing me to run into my house. When I entered, I saw my father impaled against the wall with a sword in his heart. My mother laid dead with her throat slaughtered and a blood stain on the bed. They were killed by a psycho, soulless, cutthroat, vampire. It was the worst day in my life. And…

_I was rushing over to my mother's corpse. "No! Mama." I was frantic and crying hysterically. When I finally came to grip with my mother being dead, I hugged her body tightly. _

_"What a mess." Damon said, entering the room._

_I was confused. "Damon?" oh, no he was messing with my head._

_"Okay. I'll say it." he chuckled "I miss Klaus. I mean… the way this guy used to torture you." Damon looked over the room, paying particular attention to my father. Then he added in a cruel voice tone. "A sword in the daddy… nice touch."_

_"Get out of my head." I begged him._

_"So tell me how this slaughter went down again?" he ask sarcastically. "Oh… that's right… Klaus was going to kill you in a blood sacrifice and you, being you, ran for the hills." He was being so sarcastic. Almost soulless. "Only to come back to find your entire family had been massacred." He told me with a smile. "So, if I'm adding this up right…your family's entire death was all your fault." He pointed ruthlessly. _

_I through tears said "No. No. No." it wasn't my fault. It wasn't. Damon suddenly disappears from the room. _

Yes, I deserve it! Yes! I deserved Damon to be cruel. And yes, I deserve him to be pissed off at me. I had hurt him so much. But did he need to be so ruthless? I was dying. If that didn't mean a free pass, what did it?

_Damon was sat in a chair at my bedside, watching intently. I was awake. I was watching him, lying on the bed. Liz entered the room. I was in a lot of pain. _

_"Here are the sedatives from the hospital. It should help with the pain." Liz told me, handing me a bunch of syringes. _

_I try to sit up "I don't want them." I replied her. "They make me weak and when I'm weak, he can get inside my head." And he is cruel._

_"Okay. Suit yourself. They're right here if you want them." Liz told me and lay them near the bed._

_Liz looked at Damon and ask him. "Still looking for Matt? Any word from Elena?"_

_"We're not on a speaking basis." Damon said sadly. Even I love him like a brother, he was being cruel, and he deserved a little bit of suffering._

_So I add sarcastically. "Didn't you hear sheriff? He was so afraid to dirty her white dove feathers that he let her little wings fly free. And it was all MY fault. Oops." _

_Damon grabs one of the syringes Sheriff Forbes laid out and roughly jabs it into my arm. I drifted to sleep. And he tried to mess with my head again but what he saw surprised him so much that he awakes me. _

_Damon asked intrigued "What the hell was that?"_

_"You never heard the real story of how I came to meet your brother. I want to think that this prophecy of the universe bringing the doppelgängers together is absurd, but the moment that I saw Stefan, I can't describe it… the out of the way road, the downed tree, the broken down carriage… it just… sounded like fate to me." I answered him. It was the moment my emotions came back._

"_Just go away_." I asked him. "_Don't you think that you've made your point?_" but he began torturing me again. He made me saw Jenna, stabbing me. Then even though I begged him to stop he picked up another syringe of drugs. And injected me, he transformed into John Gilbert, who grabbed my arm and chopped my fingers away. Then he had so much more fun making me to see Elijah, stopping his torture, but it was another illusion, another form, from him of telling me I wouldn't have comfort. Another form to tell me that no one cares.

And there was my beloved daughter telling me that she cared and bringing the "Traveler" to teach me how to do the "Passenger Spell". They taught it to me but…

_"I know what you're going to say." Nadia wanted me to stay alive but she wanted me to take her body; I didn't wanted that, I wanted some mother-daughter time._

_"Nadia I don't want your body, I want to be a mother to you" I told her. "And you deserve to live. And I need a body like mine." _

_"O.k. try! But you need her to be close enough, is better if you jump in to my head now" she stopped and pointed Damon. _

_"We don't have time for this. Nadia, letting my father rip you out of my arms… it was the biggest regret of my life. I should've fought harder to keep you, but I didn't; so I spent the next 500 years making sure I didn't make that mistake again. I fought for everything… and in the process, I had a long, full life. And I got to know my beautiful daughter. You spent the last centuries searching for me." I picked up a syringe from the table. "Don't waste another minute on me. It's your turn to live." _

_"You can't do this." She told me. _

_"Let me..." I said out loud but I spell only with my lips "try". "I made selfish decisions all my life. Let me do the right thing for once." She was mad but she understood._

_"Fine. Then go... Leave me... drift off into oblivion, but I will not sit by your side and watch you die." She pretend to be mad. _

_I was drifting to sleep when I saw Stefan coming inside the room. _

_"What the hell happened to you?" Stefan asked Damon._

_"In a shocking twist, Katherine's daughter is a psychopath. Whew. She's all yours. I've had fun messing with her mind all day." Damon stated._

_"Damon…" Stefan sounded he was going to argue with Damon._

_But he interrupted him. "I know, Stefan. I know. It's been a rough couple of days… I needed an outlet, OK?" Leaving the room. _

_Stefan looked at me "Hey."_

_I was groggily due to the meds and said "These drugs are hardcore."_

_"Close your eyes. I came to say 'bye.'" No, please let me be awaked._

_"I want to see you." Yes, if I was going to die, I wanted to be happy._

_"You will." He touched my face and I transported us to the memory of me coming upon the bodies of my family after Klaus had them slaughtered._

_I was weeping over a body, and Stefan said "So this is the memory you came back to? A little dark, no?" _

_"Damon already had his fun with this one… This was the worst day of my life. He said it was my fault; that I deserve everything bad that's ever happened to me. He's right… He was right, Stefan. I don't deserve to be loved." But if he wanted to torture me, I wouldn't let him. I tried to block him out. _

_He urged me to let him continue. "Open your mind to me." We were transported back into my memory. "Look at your father…" _

_I looked at the wall I could see my father's body disappearing. "He's gone… What are you doing?"_

_"You deserve to feel peace." I looked around the room, my mother's body, and the blood on the duvet, disappear too. _

_"Mother?" I asked him. He was trying to comfort me._

_"You were a 17 year old girl, Katherine. None of this is your fault." But why? Stefan why?_

_Suddenly, I heard the tiny whimper of a crying baby... my daughter. In a tiny bassinet. As I approached her, the room turns to light. And I felt a kiss in my forehead. I heard his voice "Goodbye, Katherine."_

_Suddenly I was downstairs and I watch Bonnie. She called my name. _

_"Ding dong… Does that mean the witch is dead?" Damon said._

_I freaked out. "No. Uh hu. It's too soon. I can't!" and I bounced back into my body, cheating death once again. Ups, it was close. _

_"Wow… You really don't want to die, do you? I swear, I just heard your heart stop." Elena said._

_I asked her in panic. "Where am I?"_

_"Still alive… sadly…" I asked where not how. _

_"Ohh… I thought I was a goner there for a second. I still have unfinished business." I replied._

_"So do I. I had this whole speech that I was preparing to give your unconscious body." What?_

_"Let me guess; hate, loathe, screw you, die bitch, etc." I spat._

_"Yes. Uhh… Plus, one more thing… I forgive you." Again what?_

_"You what?" I spat at her again._

_"I forgive you… You weren't born evil. Your life made you that way… You lost everyone that you cared about way too young and you didn't have a family that looked after you. Sound familiar?" she began talking._

_"Is this the…? 'we're not so different, you and I' doppelgänger speech, because I'd be happy to skip it." I didn't want her speeches, I wouldn't change my mind._

_"I'll save it for the funeral we probably won't have for you…" she replied._

_"Perfect." I spat._

_"I just wanted to get the forgiveness part out… It's a part of me that I never want to lose." She spat too._

_"Good for you." I told her. "Now, maybe you can help a girl out. Give me one more syringe. If anyone's going to plunge a needle in me one last time, it may as well be you. Symmetry… and all that." I needed her close. Elena picked up the syringe and she was going to inject it in my body. "Elena. Thank you for your forgiveness." And I was sorry for what I was about to do._

_"You're welcome." And as she was going to inject me, I used the last bit of the strength I had to grab her by the face and complete the "passenger spell". "jak skákat a zem dárek ac za"_

That night, when we make love, his kisses make me want more. And he giving me good memories, mmm, why? I needed answers. But then he told me he hadn't forgiven me. I though he still loved Elena.

That's why I took Elena's body. And now he is rejecting me. I think he loved Elena. But when I flirt with him at Whitmore's Annual Bitter Ball he didn't make a move he even look sad, even annoyed. And then the night of the motel he had pushed me away. But why I was Elena, he loved Elena or not? If he is not still in love with Elena then why said that?

_"Because I know what he's going through." He state._

_"What do you mean?" I wonder._

_"You don't know what it's like being in love with you. You know, when you and I were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were a perfect fit. And that kind of love, it can change your whole life. And then when somebody who made you feel that way suddenly stops, the vacuum is just..." _Oh god, he was talking in past. I didn't realize it then_._

_"I get it. They built a whole prophecy around it." I said I was jealous of Elena. And so flirt with him, and he turned me down discreetly._

_I went out of the shower, I get dressed and I came up behind him and touched his shoulder. He turns around to look at me and I kissed him. After pulling away, he grabbed me and kisses me again hesitantly. He apart from me, but we kissed me once more time, more passionate. But then he rejected me for good. _

_"Wait, wait, wait. This is, uh, wrong. I mean, uh, you and Damon just split up." He said hesitantly._

I replied to him that he was right, that I was sorry, I made excuses about kissing him. He rejected me but I was happy. I thought that I had hope as Elena. I WAS SO BLIND. But now, oh my god he stabbed me. I will be expelled from Elena's body. But when I kissed him he called my name, there was the electricity again. And suddenly I realized that electricity wasn't there when we kissed in the hotel. Every atom in my body is telling me he doesn't love Elena, he love me.

_"Stefan. You know, I've always wondered how it would be like to be loved by you. You've gotta admit, for that one fleeting moment...your feelings were real. It's truly has been the role of a lifetime. Stefan, I love you. And I've always loved you."_ He stabs me even though he loves me why? _"Then I guess this is how...our love story ends."_ I get my answer when he nods, he love me, he doesn't want to go back dating Elena, he desires me, **HE LOVES ME: KATHERINE PIERCE**. Despite everything I had done. **HE LOVES ME. **Oh my god, Elena didn't had a chance, I am sorry. I was too blind. **HE LOVES ME. I AM SORRY. I WILL MISS HIM. **Oh no I am being dragged by a void…!

**The END?**


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